The Two Faces of a Coin; Love and Relationship.

Art by Ksenija Pronina

A healthy relationship, according to my own definition is that which does not feel like the involved people are operating from their “shadow fronts” rather than from their “authentic fronts”. In other words, those who are self-aware rather than self-conscious. Who still do their best, without coming off insensitive. Who have a healthy moral compass.

A relationship should feel like a safe place of exchange; where thoughts, emotions, and preferences are communicated safely and without having to feel scared or humiliated. A skillful approach is vital in communicating ones own needs and thoughts. It should not hurt the person or others.

Space and time work best for the clarity of mind and heart. It is meant to communicate to the other that there are no attachment issues in order for trust to prevail.

Although having space and time is important, they also don’t mean that it is a form of mind game or done to make the other person feel weak, or needy, or even to test someone’s love or affection.
It means accepting that things must take time, and rushing into sex or into something too intimate might not feel right or worth it in the future. So, one must really know who they are dealing with. Even if it wasn’t intended as a romantic relationship.
Knowing that respect is everything in all relationships, and to be treated with unconditional care if not with unconditional love.

To also be human, but not a humiliating or demeaning one.
To tame down the ego, and to never come off as needy, desperate, or selfish.
Selfishness is a disease. It originates from the ego’s despair for not believing one is worthy enough or good enough. So they become so feisty, and want to do anything to convince their ego that they are worth it in an unhealthy way, and it is mostly instinctive such as: greed in food, sex, time, and money in the form of addiction.

A healthy relationship means the person cares about their decent image thus say what they mean and mean what they say. They are simply reliable.

They can make mistakes, but are okay to apologize sincerely, without having to excessively show they are sorry, or to keep bringing up the resolved subject.

Who also don’t make you feel like you are too much, and your pain is small. Who don’t raise their voice to silence or to shut your pain down.
Who love and respect your vulnerability. Because they are safe at feeling vulnerable too.

Who get it when you are nice because you choose to be nice to them, not because you are sexually attracted. In other words, they can distinguish between your true colors, and their own lens—an instinctive projection.

Love grows without feeling pressured, or guilty for choosing oneself, when it is done in a specific pleasant manner.
Love does not make the other person lie about who they are, or try to change the other person’s reality when the person actually loves and feels safe in their own reality, even if it is (so) different.

Love doesn’t fear to lose the person but it is careful of not losing the person, consistently, and not for selfish reasons.

When in a relationship, give and take flows naturally, and it isn’t meant to boost egos or to win approval, neither a competition.

And in order to be satisfied in a relationship, one must have the freedom of choice in which they can be themselves, which at its best form, comes from their safest childlike and higher self place.

For those with immature qualities, mistake it with being vulnerable. While it is the unhealed aspects from their childhood or past, which in return, activates it in others with whom they encounter. And for those with vulnerable qualities, they feel safe at being healed, feel free to be open to experience, and don’t have to please everyone. But to keep monitoring themselves, all the time.

Love and relationship are the two sides of the same hard coin, one side will always affect the other, or represent the other, as well as the people involved.

This is my take on the psychological dynamic of love and relationship, since these two literally govern our lives, but we always have the power and it is in our right to rule in or to rule out what brings meaning, or what brings distress to our lives. Because what matters the most is our peace of mind, in order to feel and be more productive in life.

* This was an excerpt from my diaries.

Have a lovely day!

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Night Dream World

Art by Aykut Aydogdu

What a dream, I saw my past packed in one stream

Of flooding memories that were left untouched

Always left at the same place where my fragmented pieces were for them to deem

In my sleep I have the key to access those memories

Where I still have questions unanswered, with pains that were destined to be buried; either my fragments or them.

I saw clowns thriving on the grass of prosperity, and victims trying to pave their rejected ways among the harsh.

Though in a dream, what could be impossible, if everything the heart misses or wishes is accessible.

They deceived some of our innocence; while they carried around the honor of adulting. As if their excuse is a wisdom guarantee, while for the children, it is their trapping destiny.

But this child’s reality, is a new world for the child to keep getting in, forever in their minds until growing. Some places are meant to be visited in reality, to finally resolve while their eyes are open, rather than a germ that keeps infesting their dreams.

A family is not always there to protect, they are likely to be adults in wolf skin, unbothered to replace it with a sheep’s one; as what could a child really know about reality?

Dreams do relieve what is hidden, yet they are also called dreams for a reason; to resolve pain, or to wish for something better.

Written by: Farah A.Y

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